Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
