Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
