I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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