im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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