These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
