Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
