I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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