I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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