so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
