i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
