I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize