Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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