I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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