Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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