he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I need a burrito and a hug.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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