the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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