Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
