i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
