Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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