I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
