I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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