I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
