Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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