Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
