I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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