Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
