I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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