I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
