The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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