Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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