i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
