You made me cry and you don't even care
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
