so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize