Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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