Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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