just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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