come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
