she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
