Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
