Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
