i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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