It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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