Fine. I'll sleep in my office
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
