and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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