it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
