She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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