we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
