i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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