do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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