once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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