my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
