I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
