dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
