ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
