i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
