Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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