My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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