honey bunches of taint.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I still have a little drunk in my system
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
