I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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